Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Randomize
