Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
