god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
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