You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize
