Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Actions speak louder than pants.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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