i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Randomize
