I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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