Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
