dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
