wrigley field is MILF paradise
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
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