the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
