We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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