Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
