just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
BRING THE BAGELS
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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