A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
