Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
