i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
