either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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