My cat gives me a boner
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
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If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
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You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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