tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
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