I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
