so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Dignity is for republicans.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
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