MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
a search helicopter?!
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
