shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
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At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
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don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
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