I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
