you guys were way drunker than both of me
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
