Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Randomize
