I faked an abortion last night.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
