your parents love me but you hate me
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
