so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
God I need to hump something, right now.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
