Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Everyone says I win the strip club
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
