He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
