called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
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I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
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I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
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