I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Randomize
