bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
