I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
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