Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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