Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Randomize
