Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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