tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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