i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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