im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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