On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Randomize
