NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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