Sry I called you an 8
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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