So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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