i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
