can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
