"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
