so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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