I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
