Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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