I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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