That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
