Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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