its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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