mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
