his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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