I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Dick very happy bro
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
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