your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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