Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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