I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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