I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
It's rum buckets o'clock
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
