Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
