I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
If I die, sorry about rent.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
