Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize