Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
well you can't waste a boner
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
