I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
