So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Randomize
