i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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