how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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