May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize