Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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