Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Randomize
